Pre Southeast Asia
I've been told by some that I am “hard to get-to-know”. In the past this has puzzled me, even plagued me. After all, I'm quite the extrovert. I'm quite comfortable speaking my mind, often too comfortable speaking my mind. I don't mind meeting new people. I enjoy exchanging ideas. And I am apt make any short, concise, and brief story rather long, wordy, and drawn-out:). I had decided that I am not hard to get-to-know at all. Instead these folks were challenged in getting-to-know me.
Isn't that how we often manipulate perceptions? If we fail to see things someone else's way, then they must be misinformed, confused, or just plain wrong. Hmmmmm....food for thought. Don't just leave it on the table. Nibble on it.
Southeast Asia
Fast forward to our sparsely decorated den peppered with a few reminders of “home”. It is a little past midnight, and I'm sitting across a dear friend of mine visiting from the fabulous Sparkle city. As I bear my soul with another female for the first time in eleven or so months it dawns on me...I'm hard to get-to-know. Why have I failed to share my heart with my friends here in our city? Why have I chosen to keep my loved ones at bay on skype? Why do I pretend that all is well until the weight of my burdens are no longer deniable?
Could it be that I am “inward”. Yes, I think perhaps I'm a “stuffer”. When life gets tough, I become exclusive. You know, independent, private, even aloof. Because if I don't discuss it, it doesn't exist. At least not for awhile. I can escape the negative emotions for days, weeks, maybe even months. Can anyone relate?
In addition, I realized that there is this conjecture that the person with whom I am sharing might not really care to know my concerns. You know, how one may ask how you are doing, but they don't “really” want you to provide them with details. Is that a trust issue? Dunno. I'm still delving.
So, with my new found revelation, I've decided to journey outward. Talk about a HUGE first step...journaling my discovery on our blog. Of course posting it will be the test. If you are reading this entry I've succeeded in moving forward in my precarious pilgrimage.
My second step is to be honest about our past nine months in Southeast Asia. I'm going to start out easy on this one. It has been hard. Whew, that wasn't as bad as I thought. I'll keep you posted. And next time, I'll include more details:).
Thank your for being vulnerable and sharing your heart. Lifting you up now!
ReplyDeleteHmm...that is a big first step, a step of faith. Every journey to the next level of our walk begins with one of those. As you explore and write about your experiences, keep several things in mind.
ReplyDelete1. Only those who have done what you are doing can fully relate to what you are experiencing. Don't be disappointed in those who don't understand or know how to respond or who respond with platitudes that make you mad. And don't let those responses or lack thereof keep you from moving on.
2. Don't be afraid or ashamed to talk about the struggles and warts and all. If you read the Psalms or Paul's letters, those guys were never afraid to do that and their writing now helps those of us who are struggling with the same things. You will help us keep it real by keeping it real.
3. If I ever ask you how you are doing, you will always know I really DO care.
Love you guys!
Confession is always hard, especially when people view you as a strong person. Letting down the defenses is strength in itself. We really enjoyed spending some time with you guys again.
ReplyDeleteHope to do it again soon.
I am so proud of you! I hope you will continue to work on this and see the remarkable plans He has for you and the path you will travel to get there. I know it is a difficult journey and will lift you up as you are on it. We love you guys!
ReplyDelete