Wednesday, August 25, 2010

So Tell Me What You Want


“So tell me what you want, what you really really want...” The Spice Girl's bubblegum pop lyrics spill out of our five year old's lips as he dances through the house enjoying the mid nineties hip hop single. We have the movie “Chicken Little” to thank for this. “Ra Ra-ah-ah-ah, Roma Roma-ma...” echoes in the car as Jackson performs his latest rendition of Lady Gaga's hit single. We have the loud sound systems in every local mall to thank for this one. And most recently we find our son singing, “Hey soul sister ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo...” I have to admit, this one is our fault. We don't have a CD player in our vehicle, and often we resort to listening to the only English radio station available on our stereo dial.

While it can be entertaining at times, the fact that our pre-schooler can belt out many of the Billboard's Top Hits is not exactly what we had in mind when we thought of expanding Jackson's horizons by moving overseas. However, Jackson has indeed broadened his outlook on life. He has ascertained things he could have never learned in a classroom or through reading a book. He has grown in ways we will probably never fully comprehend as a result of our relocation to Southeast Asia.

Jackson has discovered first hand how very fortunate he is to have been blessed with a solid roof over his head. He's walked through villages where homes are built from scrap wood and tin. He's sat on floors that were rotten and threatened to collapse from too much weight (not Jackson's of course). He's walked through doorways void of doors and peered out windows deprived of window panes. Jackson has a new perspective on poverty.

Jackson has recognized the provision of food during mealtime. He has witnessed the hungry as they walked into a restaurant, sat down at a table, and partook of left-over scraps that have yet to be cleared away from the previous customers. He has observed a man digging through the dumpster in search of something to fill his empty stomach. He has been present in a village when a man walked into his home with two small fish to feed a family of nine. Jackson has a new understanding of hunger.

Jackson can determine the difference between want and need. We have the luxury of eating fast food, going to the movies, and purchasing candy, gum, and other frivolous items. We have the ability to delight in Birthday parties trimmed with streamers, balloons, fancy cake, and presents. And we have the privilege of decorating during the Holidays, baking unnecessary treats, and buying and receiving gifts at Christmas. While in the States Jackson did not personally know anyone who could NOT do these things. Now he does. Jackson knows he is NOT in need.

Jackson has discovered the nuances and fascinations of an Asian culture, a new language, foreign foods, and even sacrificial living. He's visited six countries. And he has done so by jet, taxi boat, prop plane, ferry, speed boat, and a variety of unusual transportation modes within these countries. Jackson has developed an appreciation for travel, adventure, and uncovering once unknown lands (at least unknown to us). He has also had to begin developing patience, tolerance, endurance, courage, respect, and self denial. These are tough lessons for persons of any age.

Then there is that acquired knowledge that may or may not prove helpful in his later years. Like what it means to have a contingency plan. And how to hide in an inconspicuous place and not make a sound if mommy and daddy give the word. And how to remain calm when his parents bust out the window frame and climb down the rope ladder. I'm not sure what this has taught him. However, he does find it intriguing. And he often equates these things to the life of a spy. Let's hope this appeal does not motivate him to change his occupational goal from NASA to espionage.

Finally, Jackson has discovered what it means to live by faith. He trusts that we are supposed to be here even though he'd rather be in America. He has an amazing assurance that we will be cared for, comforted, directed, and empowered. He prays fervently for our local friends. And he prays for those he does not know because he has heard or seen something that moved his tender heart. He has volunteered to give up his Happy Meal toys to children who play with marbles on the sidewalk because it is the only “toy” or “game” they own. And he often shows a strong curiosity regarding living a life pleasing to God.

Of course, there are all those other times when he has no regard for anyone or anything that doesn't bring him immediate and complete satisfaction. But don't we all struggle with this one:).

All in all, Jackson has determined to endure the challenges of life on the far side and, as a result, become a better person for it. To answer the question, “So tell me what you want, what you really really want...” “I wanna I wanna I wanna” make the most of the time that we have here and help Jackson do the same. It is what we are meant to do. And I want to do it well.






Friday, July 9, 2010

The Silver Lining

Tonight Jackson beckoned me to join him as he watched the sun dip into the horizon. I LOVE that our five year old thoroughly appreciates the breathtaking beauty of sunsets over the majestic sea. Since our arrival in SEA, we all have marveled at the splendor of varying hues filling the sky at day's end. Crimson reds, tangerine oranges, golden yellows, and tanzanite blues fill our spacious skies each evening with an undeniable display of God's handiwork.

However, tonight was special, surreal, almost otherworldly. Tonight I witnessed my first silver sunset. I'm not quite certain how the sun cast off its brilliant golden halo and donned a robe of silver radiance. But it did. And I sat entranced, unable to relinquish my gaze from what may have been the most beautiful panorama of creation I've ever witnessed.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I sat in awe of a majestic sky. Mesmerized I thought to myself, “Tonight, this sunset is just for me.” Have you ever been there? You know, that place where a moment in time was created so that you may glean joy, or hope, or enlightenment. Well, I found myself there tonight.

I had seen the sun set hundreds, maybe even thousands of times, and yet tonight it was different. It was lovely, radiant, and wonderfully glorious. And as I gazed at the silver thread of light fading into the violet abyss tears rolled down my face. Not because I was moved by the beauty of the moment, but because I was moved by the reality of the moment. Seeing the sun as I had never seen it before spoke to a place deep within me that struggles with doubt regarding hope for the people of SEA.

My mind's eye filled with people I've befriended who question their eternity, their faith, their very existence. I saw faces filled with despair. And while I know God cares about these people, and I know He does not want them to perish, it is at times difficult to get this simple truth from my head to my heart. When one witnesses the darkness and the poverty that oppresses these people day in and day out, it is easy to wonder if they will ever know true joy, true hope.

Tonight that still, small voice spoke sweetly to my soul. How many times have I seen the sunset? And yet tonight, after ALL this time, it was different. It was uniquely radiant. Likewise, how many times have I seen the faces of despair? And yet, after ALL this time, they too can be different. Those faces can be uniquely radiant.

Not long before sunset, clouds prematurely darkened the day. Rain filled the air with what seemed like tears from a somber sky. Yet silver light transformed a dreary canvas into a transcendent masterpiece. What a marvelous illustration of how His light can transform dismal lives into portraits illuminated with merriment and promise.  

Saturday, July 3, 2010

The Journey Inward Out


Pre Southeast Asia
I've been told by some that I am “hard to get-to-know”. In the past this has puzzled me, even plagued me. After all, I'm quite the extrovert. I'm quite comfortable speaking my mind, often too comfortable speaking my mind. I don't mind meeting new people. I enjoy exchanging ideas. And I am apt make any short, concise, and brief story rather long, wordy, and drawn-out:). I had decided that I am not hard to get-to-know at all. Instead these folks were challenged in getting-to-know me.

Isn't that how we often manipulate perceptions? If we fail to see things someone else's way, then they must be misinformed, confused, or just plain wrong. Hmmmmm....food for thought. Don't just leave it on the table. Nibble on it.

Southeast Asia
Fast forward to our sparsely decorated den peppered with a few reminders of “home”. It is a little past midnight, and I'm sitting across a dear friend of mine visiting from the fabulous Sparkle city. As I bear my soul with another female for the first time in eleven or so months it dawns on me...I'm hard to get-to-know. Why have I failed to share my heart with my friends here in our city? Why have I chosen to keep my loved ones at bay on skype? Why do I pretend that all is well until the weight of my burdens are no longer deniable?

Could it be that I am “inward”. Yes, I think perhaps I'm a “stuffer”. When life gets tough, I become exclusive. You know, independent, private, even aloof. Because if I don't discuss it, it doesn't exist. At least not for awhile. I can escape the negative emotions for days, weeks, maybe even months. Can anyone relate?

In addition, I realized that there is this conjecture that the person with whom I am sharing might not really care to know my concerns. You know, how one may ask how you are doing, but they don't “really” want you to provide them with details. Is that a trust issue? Dunno. I'm still delving.

So, with my new found revelation, I've decided to journey outward. Talk about a HUGE first step...journaling my discovery on our blog. Of course posting it will be the test. If you are reading this entry I've succeeded in moving forward in my precarious pilgrimage.

My second step is to be honest about our past nine months in Southeast Asia. I'm going to start out easy on this one. It has been hard. Whew, that wasn't as bad as I thought. I'll keep you posted. And next time, I'll include more details:).